A terminal illness affects not only the person who has it but also their loved ones and caregivers. If you find yourself navigating the terminal illness of a loved one, you might not be sure where to start. You're balancing your grief with the needs and emotions of the person who received the diagnosis. These tips can help you provide the best possible support through the journey.
It might seem selfish when your loved one is dealing with a terminal diagnosis, but taking care of your emotional needs helps you show up more effectively for them. You might feel a range of emotions, including grief, anger and sadness. Those feelings are normal and shouldn't be ignored. Talking to a trusted friend or a professional therapist can help you work through them.
The typical reaction when someone is going through a challenging time is to tell them you're here if they need you. You might ask them if they need anything or what you can do. It's not always easy for people to ask for help, or they might not know exactly what they need.
Instead of general offers of help, make specific suggestions or just start taking action. Some ways you can help include:
Everyone reacts to a terminal illness differently, so there isn't a standard protocol for how to support someone in that situation. Talking openly with your loved one can help you get an idea of how they want to handle things. Some people want to talk through it and confront their situation. Others prefer distractions or aren't ready to accept the diagnosis. Tune into the person's feelings and needs to see how you should approach the situation.
Talking about death can be uncomfortable, but talking about what they want as their disease progresses helps you make decisions later. Have those discussions early before the progression makes it more challenging for your loved one. Discuss things like life-saving measures they do or don't want to have. Hospice decisions, such as when to move to hospice and where they want to receive hospice services, are also helpful. You might also want to consider legal documentation like power of attorney if those items aren't already in place.
A terminal illness might cause your loved one to slow down, or it might affect what they can do physically. Some diseases cause exhaustion or impact mobility. However, you can still enjoy experiences with your loved one. Take them on outings if possible, or bring the experiences to them with activities you can do at their home. Ask your loved one if they have any places they want to visit, things they want to celebrate or activities they want to do.
Give your loved one the chance to talk about their feelings and any other topics they want to discuss. Listening to their concerns won't always be easy, but it's an important way to show support. You don't have to cheer them up or solve their issues. Simply listening and letting them share openly is enough. Choose your responses carefully. Saying things like "It'll be okay" or "Everything happens for a reason" often isn't comforting. Rather, verbally express your love and admiration for the person.
Sometimes you're not able to provide all the support your loved one needs. You might need to hire a professional caregiver to help them with their personal care tasks. Finding them a support group for people in their situation can help them find comfort. You could search for a therapist who specializes in clients with terminal illnesses. These outside support sources can help your loved one without putting excess strain on you.
Let your loved one know you're always there and thinking of them with small gestures. If you can't visit them daily, send them cards and small gifts frequently, or plan daily video chats so you can check in on them. You might show up with their coffee order from their favorite coffee shop or bring them their favorite home-cooked meal. Those little gestures remind them that they're loved and can add a bright spot to their day.
When you want to help, you might be tempted to do things without permission. However, sometimes the person might need space. Perhaps they've had several visitors, which means they're tired and want to rest. Some people want to be by themselves as they process news like a terminal diagnosis. Make sure they know you're available, but be sure you respect any boundaries your loved one puts in place.
Praying on behalf of your loved one is something you can do at any time. Ask others in your circle to pray for them as well. If your loved one feels comfortable with it, you might pray with them. Sharing comforting scripture can help them navigate the situation.
